Why Are We Babysitting?
by Arashi of the Red Scarf
Summary: A new vampire is made...which means Hellsing will be killing her, right? Wrong. This girl's too young to kill...so she'll have to train with Alucard and Seras. Not only that, but she has two psychic friends determined to protect her from harm.
1. Babysitting

AN: Ok then...if this story is bad, blame it on the fact that I cannot form coherent sentences. I apologize in advance for any OOC-ness, and be forewarned...I may add in a little Alucard/Seras fluff. I don't know.

"Talking normally"

"_Thinking"_

_-Talking telepathically-_

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing, and I never will. Talat, Aerin, and Sabra are mine, however. TAKE THEM AND FEEL MY WRATH!

Integra was tapping her pencil on the desk, listening to the hysterical woman on the other end of the phone line. It was some rich woman, wanting Hellsing to come and take her 13-year-old vampire daughter away.

"And...she has these two cloaked girls coming to see her every day, and she can't eat, and she sneaks out at night, and...and...and ...those _fangs!_" The woman was babbling, pleading with the head of Hellsing to "please, please help me! Take her away, kill her, I don't care! This...this _thing_ is not my Talat!"

"Calm down, ma'am, of course we'll help you..." Integra rolled her eyes. She would, of course, have killed the girl had she been a bit older...but... thirteen... She hung up the phone, the tearful woman having promised to drive the girl to Hellsing Manor. "Did you catch that, Alucard?"

"Of course, master. What shall we do with the girl?" The vampire smirked. Integra slammed her head onto the desk. "Too young to help with missions, too young to kill. I think...You and Seras will have care of her, with Walter's help." The grin slid off Alucard's face, seemingly moving itself to Integra's. Oh yes. This would be interesting.

The next night, Integra, Walter, Seras, and Alucard gathered to wait for the new arrival. A limousine sped up, the chauffer jumping out and practically pushing out the girl out of the car. She was tall, her brown hair streaked with blonde. Fresh tear tracks graced her face. "Hi...I'm Talat..." Walter was just about to lead her inside and give her a formal welcome, when the limo suddenly came back. The driver, a blank look in his eyes, pulled the trunk open and promptly fell face-first in the dirt. Two cloaked people burst from the trunk, the first jumping impressively, the second clumsily climbing out and falling next to the chauffer. The small group blinked, and at that the two cloaked ones sprang to attention. Stepping neatly over the inert form of the driver, the two flung off the cloaks.

"Talat! Come on, we're here to save you from almost certain doom!" one of them yelled, revealing herself to be a short black haired girl. The other one, a tall blonde girl, looked at her in annoyance. "You've been watching too much TV, Sabra." Talat looked over strangely, then burst into tears, "Aerin! Sabra! What...what are you doing here?" She ran over, dropping the small bag she's been carrying. The blonde answered, hugging the surprised draculina around the middle. "We were worried about you! We were listening to your mom on the phone-"

"And she said she didn't care if these "Hellsing" people killed you"

"So we took control of the driver-"

"And hid in the trunk-"

"And now here we are!" Aerin (the blonde) now turned her attention to Integra. "If you so much as lay a hand on Talat, you'll feel our wrath!"

"_They certainly don't look like much of a threat..." _Integra thought, and was shocked to hear Sabra's cool mental voice answer her.

_-Oh, but we are...-_ Integra jumped and glanced at the girl. She bore a smirk not unlike Alucard's. Aerin was still talking. "...And wherever Talat goes, we go. End of story."

"Wait, you mean...?"

"Yep." Aerin grinned too. "We're staying right here."

A few hours later, everyone was settled, and Integra had a headache. She shook her head. Hellsing was _not_ a babysitting service, dammit! She thought about the three. Talat...she could deal with, she seemed like a rather quiet girl, and it must be horrible to learn that her own mother wanted her dead. But the other two...

Sabra and Aerin were humans...humans with psychic powers. Aerin had demonstrated by picking up Seras telepathically and seating her on top of a rather large bookshelf. Sabra had levitated herself and danced in midair. Both of the girls were adamant at staying with Talat- "We can't leave her now!" and both had formidable power. "ALUCARD!" Integra barked at the nearest wall. The named vampire stepped through, mad as hell. A pillow shaped like a cat was bouncing itself off his head. "Yes..." he growled. Integra rolled her eyes. "Alucard, you, Seras, and Walter have the unfortunate duty of tending our young guests. Talat should learn to control her powers... and the other two...should be kept busy." Alucard nodded, looking more like he wanted to kill the three, (or himself) and phased out.

AN: Ok, how was that? Review please...I must get at least two reviews to continue. (I don't care if they're flames) Or one really, really flattering one. : P


	2. Mass Mayhem

AN: Wow...I never actually expected to get reviews. Thanks to:

**RenagadePineapple:** here is the update!

**EgYpTiAnAnUbI:** I'm writing...I have a short attention span (think five minutes...) but I really did try to make this chapter longer than the last

**NalaravatheRed: ** You think I have potential to be funny? Oh thank you supreme being!

Anyway, here's the much-awaited (yeah right) 2nd chapter! By the way, from here on out, you'll hear Aerin and Sabra be referred to as "The Psychopath Two". This derives from my own life- my band of friends and I are known as the Psychopath Three. I'm Sabra, and my two best friends are Aerin and Talat.

"Talking normally"

"_Thinking"_

_-Talking telepathically-_

Disclaimer: I do not own Hellsing, Mission Impossible, Krazy-Glue, Silly String, The Phantom of the Opera, or anything else appearing in this random fic. I do own Aerin, Sabra, and Talat though- you must talk to ME if you wish to use them! (No animals were hurt in the making of this fic...well maybe one of the rats...but who's counting? ..)

Sabra sat up and stretched, the dawn just poking itself through the mental curtain she'd put up on the window. Time to get up! She was about to step out of bed, when something sped by her. Sabra sighed. "Yes, Aerin?"

"Look what I brought!"

"Oooh!"

"Want some?"

"Yeah..." The two psychos giggled insanely as they studied the green stuff in front of them.

A Few Hours Later

The two girls snuck back into their rooms, having slipped past Walter (with much difficulty) and unloaded the things they had bought at random stores. With a giggle that was closer to hysteria than merriment, Aerin slipped a pair of sunglasses out of her pocket and began to hum the "Mission Impossible" theme song. Sabra divided the stuff on the bed into two piles, then turned to Aerin and made a series of hand signals that looked like sign language. Aerin nodded, looking as though she knew exactly what Sabra was saying.

"Wait, don't tell me you understand what I just signed!"

"Yes. Yes I do."

"But...but I was making it up."

"Who cares!" Aerin stood up, gathering the junk into a black bag. "We attack at... noon. Yes...noon!"

The girls sneaked into Alucard's room first, pulling a can of spray paint from the

bag.

That night, the place was in an uproar. Everything of Alucard's had been spray painted florescent pink. Integra's desk drawers had somehow been booby-trapped to release starved, crazed squirrels whenever anyone entered the room. Seras's coffin resembled nothing so much as a flower-covered parade float, and Walter had an origami frog Krazy-Glued to his head (only God knows how they managed _that_ prank). The floors had been covered in dead leaves and anything else (bookshelves, picture frames, etc.) had been coated in Silly String. And Aerin and Sabra weren't done. All of the troops had had vegetables loaded into their weapons, several sculptures of random cartoon characters had appeared in odd places, and a few plastic flamingos were floating near the ceiling, waiting for someone to walk under them. Integra looked around at the insanity of everything and nearly gave the order for Alucard to kill the girls.

_-Methinks we pulled this off marvelously, don't you think?-_

_-Agreed. What's our next target?-_

_-Um. . . what do we have left?-_

-_Pancakes, a Phantom of the Opera soundtrack CD, some paper masks, a corset, two live starved rats, a basket of stale biscuits, several fake slugs, a bottle of syrup, and a feather pillow. Not to mention...the STUFF-_

_-Commence Operation Fob!-_

_-Operation Fob? But...but...that's cruel!... Let's do it!- _While everyone was debating whether to kill them or not, the Psychopath Two had been floating over everyone's head, counting the remnants of the objects in the bag. Sabra pulled a rat out of the bag, carefully dropping the creature onto Integra's head. Integra yelped in shock, and that was Aerin's cue to pour biscuit crumbs down the front of Seras's shirt. The rat, hungry after the long trip in the bag, leapt straight for the morsels of food. After that, it was complete pandemonium. Integra had dropped her cigar and accidentally ignited some dry leaves. Seras, naturally, was screaming, and Walter and Alucard were busily stomping on the flames. Aerin and Sabra giggled insanely, jumping down from the rafters after putting on the masks and pressing the "play" button on the CD player. The loud opening notes from the Overture on the Phantom soundtrack filtered through the turmoil below.

"The Psy--cho--path- Two are there- inside your mind!" (AN: Listen to the Phantom of the Opera song, then you'll know why they're screaming this). Aerin and Sabra howled, enjoying the look of surprise on their victim's faces. This feeling of glee was quickly replaced by fear, when it was apparent that each and every person was intent on opening a can of pain on the two girls. Sabra began flinging pancakes back, hoping that they would be as effective as calming angry mobs as they were at supplying her with breakfast. Unfortunately, Aerin had accidentally dropped the lid to the syrup, which led their pursuers to believe that this was another practical joke, and continue their chasing with renewed fervor.

_-They're gaining!-_

_-Sabra, I am fully aware of the situation!-_

_- What are we gonna do what are we gonna do we're gonna die that's what we'll do! We're gonna die that's it for us!-_

_-Kindly shut up! You were the one flinging pancakes!-_

_-You dropped the syrup!-_

_-Uh-oh.-_

_-What's "uh-oh"? Uh-oh is bad!-_

_-I'm...losing...energy...becoming...like...William Shatner!-_

_-Aaahhh! Coming...off...of...high...- _Both of them tumbled to the floor (they had been flying) and immediately fell asleep. Walter bent over Sabra and pulled a can of green icing out of her hand. "It would appear they were on a sugar high..." he commented, shaking his head.

AN: Ok, I know EVERYBODY does the William Shatner thing, but I couldn't resist. And as to the "Operation Fob" and the pancakes, these are not mine. I thank you Silvermasque! If you get a chance and you're a Phantom of the Opera phan, I advise reading some of her work, which is much better than this pitiful piece of unfunny writing. The icing incident was something I have really done (minus the levitation.) Ciao!


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